Monday, April 25, 2011

Post Secrets That Called to Me

If you don't subscribe to Post Secret's Sunday Secrets blog you really should.  It is a great insight in to people.  Sometimes it is sad, sometimes it is funny and sometimes they call to you.  Most of all they make you realize that you are not alone.

Last Sunday there were two that called to me and I want to share them with you and tell you why they drew me to them.

This one touched me the most and actually brought tears to my eyes because last year I had a student who stopped coming to class because he had been arrested in the murder of another student from our school who had been missing for months.  My student was involved in a gang and his parents not knowing what to do with him sent him to live with his sister to get him out of San Antonio and away from the gangs there.  Ironically, he walked away from San Antonio and right in to the worst sort of trouble with gangs you can get in to.  He wasn't the best student I had but he was very sweet and super respectful to me.  In fact, after telling me a story about getting pushed in to a pool and having his cell phone ruined I offered to give him one of our old ones and the joy he displayed was amazing.  It was after all just a cell phone.  The day he was arrested, a Friday, I had taken a personal day.  He was arrested while at school but before the class he had with me.  The next day I came in to school for Saturday Tutoring to be blindsided by the news, from a student, about his arrest.  Although I didn't help to get this kid out of trouble and he was 17 and not 13 like this post card I am irreversibly changed by this experience because he really was the last kid on earth I would've expected to hear had done this.

The reason why this one calls to me is because I am constantly going back and forth about wanting to have a baby (I am in my 30s so I do need to make my mind up).  Some days I want to do it more for the experience, to say I did it and just in case I may regret my choice later on when it is too late and some days I want to have a person that is a piece of me and a piece of Adam {hopefully getting the good pieces of us}.  Some days I don't want to at all... just don't have the urge or the need to bring a life in to the world and frankly, deal with it.  I get enough interaction with other people's children every day to not need to come home to more of the same.  I just hope that when it is too late if my decision is to not have kids that it is a relief and not a regret.

No comments: