Got this from one of my good friends from my time in TexASS... there really is "more truth than humor in this."
Dear Diary, I just moved to Texas ! Really heating up. Got to 100 today. Nota problem. Live in an air-conditioned home, drive an air-conditioned car.What a pleasure to see the sun every day like this. I'm turning into a sunworshipper.
June 30th:Had the backyard landscaped with western plants today. Lots of cactus androcks. What a breeze to maintain. No more mowing the lawn for me. Anotherscorcher today, but I love it here.
July 10th:The temperature hasn't been below 100 all week. How do people get used tothis kind of heat? At least, it's kind of windy though. But getting used tothe heat is taking longer than I expected.
July 15th:Fell asleep by the community pool. Got 3rd degree burns over 60% of mybody. Missed 3 days of work. What a dumb thing to do. I learned my lessonthough. Got to respect the ol' sun in a climate like this.
July 20th:I missed Lomita (my cat) sneaking into the car when I left this morning. Bythe time I got to the hot car at noon, Lomita had died and swollen up tothe size of a shopping bag, then popped like a water balloon. The car nowsmells like Kibbles and Shits. I learned my lesson though. No more pets inthis heat. Good ol' Mr. Sun strikes again.
July 25th:The wind sucks. It feels like a giant freaking blow dryer!! And it's hot ashell. The home air-conditioner is on the fritz and the AC repairman charged$200 just to drive by and tell me he needed to order parts.
July 30th:Been sleeping outside on the patio for 3 nights now, $225,000 house and Ican't even go inside. Lomita is the lucky one. Why did I ever come here?
Aug. 4th:Its 115 degrees. Finally got the air-conditioner fixed today. It cost $500and gets the temperature down to 85. I hate this stupid state.
Aug. 8th:If another wise ass cracks, 'Hot enough for you today?' I'm going tostrangle him. Damn heat. By the time I get to work, the radiator is boilingover, my clothes are soaking wet, and I smell like baked cat!!
Aug. 9th:Tried to run some errands after work. Wore shorts, and when I sat on theseats in the car, I thought my ass was on fire. My skin melted to the seat.I lost 2 layers of flesh and all the hair on the back of my legs andass . . . Now my car smells like burnt hair, fried ass, and baked cat.
Aug 10th:The weather report might as well be a damn recording. Hot and sunny. Hotand sunny. Hot and sunny. It's been too hot to do shit for 2 damn months andthe weatherman says it might really warm up next week. Doesn't it ever rainin this damn state? Water rationing will be next, so my $1700 worth ofcactus will just dry up and blow over. Even the cactus can't live in thisdamn heat.
Aug. 14th:Welcome to HELL! Temperature got to 115 today. Cactus are dead. Forgot tocrack the window and blew the damn windshield out of the car. The installercame to fix it and guess what he asked me??? "Hot enough for you today?" Mysister had to spend $1,500 to bail me out of jail. Freaking Texas . Whatkind of a sick demented idiot would want to live here?? Will write later tolet you know how the trial goes...